Getting Over an Ex Love

Art photos courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
We all carry little pieces of our ex-lovers within us. They appear in the form of a small memory that springs at us out of nowhere. As we go about our day to day activities an emotion creeps in that is reminiscent of a past emotional experience and we know they are the reason.

These ghostly lovers can appear in a warm thought that crosses our mind or in a memory that causes a tear to form in our eyes. The people that we have loved will always be a part of who we have become and for that reason some aspects of them will always be with us. We may even search for some of their same characteristics in our future lovers. 

I used to think that if I could take one unique aspect of each of my past lovers and combine all those ideal qualities together that I would then have my perfect mate. There always seemed to be some individual characteristic of my ex-loves that drew them to me and that made our relationship memorable. From one it was his curiosity and ability to sit and talk for hours about anything and nothing. We would spend hours discussing life and the many curiosities of it that made our life worth living.

He and I would sit over coffee and discuss the days issues or sit in the evening under the stars wondering on the many glowing embers in the sky. Sometimes we would just lie in bed at night and softly whisper in the dark to each other little secrets, curiosities, and ideas.

From another ex-love I remember how we danced together and how great was his love of dancing. He and I had spent countless hours gliding across a hundred dance floors with each other. We had never taken lessons but our bodies grew accustomed to the others steps till we molded to each other, each of us knowing the others move before it occurred, in perfect step.

We danced with our eyes locked on each other and the rest of the world disappeared till there was only he and I on the floor. We danced in the evening, we danced in the morning, and we danced in the afternoon. It never mattered where we danced because we only danced for each other. I would love to have that feeling again for I have not found it since.

From the man who stole my heart on a rebound I would want to always have his touch. It was warm and comforting and I miss it very much. His hand could always be found in mine, his arms around me, and his lips always searching for just one more reassuring kiss. Some people think that being too touchy is clingy but it is not. It is wonderful to have someone desire your touch that much.

There are a many more aspects of my perfect lover that I could share but I won’t. Suffice to say that my perfect lover does not exist except in the many little memories that I carry with me of each of the men that I have loved in the past.

Despite their romantic qualities none of my previous lovers was the right man for me. One by one they followed one another as they shuffled into becoming a distant memory in my past. They became my ex-loves.

The man that I lay with now may not satisfy every aspect of my life as my ideal lover might have been able to but there is a patience in this man that I now love. It is his desire for a forever love that holds me near to him. I hope that he will be all that I will need for the remainder of my life and I pray that he will be my final love. I hope that he is the man who will end my search.

My ex-loves may creep across my mind every now and then and I will remember certain parts of our relationship with fondness but I do not desire to search for those within my current relationship. They are the past and an imperfect past at that.

When my guy steps on my toes while we dance or he looks at me as though he doesn’t have a clue what I am talking about I just smile. I grow to love the many aspects of this man that make him unique and I am thankful that he is mine.

As time passes I look at him with increasing fondness. We debate and we argue but it is in his willingness to adapt and to change that may be the difference that lie between him and my other lovers.

Rather than being of perfect form from the beginning our relationship is continually evolving into its own. A work of art or perhaps not. A work of love - definitely so. His want and need for love may be why this relationship succeeds where the others did not.

My advice to those who miss the arms of another? Fall in love with the one who loves you. Believe in love and believe in each other. Believing in a forever love is the first step in finding it.

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